Do you know how to Forgive and Forget?

by moonspecks on January 22, 2011

If you forgive someone, do you forget what has happened?  How many times have you heard people say forgive and forget?

forgive-and-forgetPeople usually say that it is easy to forgive, but it is hard to forget.  Yet, many people find it still hard to forgive others.

You have to learn to forgive for your own benefit.  There is nothing that can harm you and have a big impact on you like holding a grudge on someone for something that has happened in the past.

When you forgive, you are not accepting the other person’s behavior, what you are doing is loving yourself more and you are forgiving the other person for their our own sake, so anger and bitterness doesn’t affect you or your health.

For example, let say, someone hurt you in really a bad way. You have to ask yourself, if you don’t forgive that person, is it going to make the situation better? Most likely no.

If you don’t forgive, you are going to stay bitter, angry, and all this pain will affect your health and mental wellness. Therefore, since you should love yourself the most, you forgive the other person, so you can move on with your life without carrying the anger and bitterness in your heart.

Now, when you forgive, depending on the situation, it is up to you if you want to continue interacting with that person. The main purpose of forgiveness is so you move on with your life without the bitterness and anger, so it won’t affect your health.

To learn how to forgive and forget, follow the guide below:

1.  Give the person a chance to apologize

Despite the fact that you are upset and don’t wish to hear what the individual who have hurt you have to say, yet it is very necessary to give him a chance, so you can forgive him after you cool down.  Without an apology, your anger will turn to bitterness that will be very hard to get rid of.

When you give the person who has hurt you a chance to apologize, you will be helping yourself to heal.  Be open and listen to his apology to overcome the pain caused by this situation.

2.  Listen to the explanation

By listening to the explanation, you might discover that the situation doesn’t need all this pain that you are feeling and the grudge you have toward this person.  The explanation could help remove any misunderstanding that may have occurred.

Ask any questions you might think of that can help clarify what has happened.  By understanding the root cause of the problem can reduce the pain that you are having and therefore, helps you accept the apology, then in time, you will move on.

3.  All people make mistakes

Realize that all humans make mistakes including yourself.  Consider what has happened a human mistake and that you can accept the apology from him.  It is crucial that you realize that humans are infallible.

A good way is to put yourself in this person’s position.  Ask yourself, if you have made this mistake or hurt someone, will you want others to forgive you?  This process will help you to accept the apology and move on with your life in peace.

4.  Take your time to heal

Forgiveness is not an easy thing like a button click as some believe.  Whenever the wound is deep, it takes longer time for you to heal.  A good way is to say to the person who has wronged you that you have accepted his apology, but need a little more time to heal.  Remember that time heal all wounds.

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Bryan Salek January 22, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Awesome post! You should probably retweet this monthly because it is so easy to forget. Thank you

Bryan
.-= Bryan Salek´s last blog ..Welcome to BryanSalekcom =-.

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Dia January 22, 2011 at 10:25 pm

Thanks Bryan! Glad you liked it :)
.-= Dia´s last blog ..Do you believe in your goals =-.

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Coach Freddie January 24, 2011 at 9:15 am

Hey Donny,
Good message… forgive and forget… and just “Let Go”.

Coach Freddie
.-= Coach Freddie´s last blog ..Do You Practice Persistence =-.

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Dia January 24, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Hi Freddie,

Glad you enjoyed it :) Peace
.-= Dia´s last blog ..How to forgive your parents =-.

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Hotdogman January 24, 2011 at 12:14 pm

“Anger is best used as a tool for changing yourself, not others”
.-= Hotdogman´s last blog ..Funky Doodles at the Baggage Check =-.

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Dia January 24, 2011 at 7:32 pm

Thanks Hotdogman :)
.-= Dia´s last blog ..How to forgive your parents =-.

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Karen Marrow January 26, 2011 at 8:52 pm

Donny,

This is a great post. Forgiving is such a liberating thing to do. I have learned how to release anger and resentment and it’s great to be in control of your feelings and not someone else.

Thanks for sharing,

Karen

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Dia January 27, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Thanks Karen, glad you liked it :)

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Theresa Kellam January 27, 2011 at 9:42 pm

I appreciate this blog. However, I don’t think we can chose to forgive. I can act forgiving, pretend I forgive or try to convince myself I’ve forgiven someone or myself and just make the whole mess unconscious, but true forgiveness is a gift. It comes to me. I don’t will it. All I can do is be open to it and receive it.

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Dia January 27, 2011 at 10:13 pm

Hi Theresa,

While forgiveness is hard, I believe we all can find it in our hearts to forgive, for our own sake. Whenever we hold on to the pain, we are hurting ourselves and not growing. With constant practice and understanding that we have to forgive for our own best, forgiveness will be easier. ;)

Reply

Tmas February 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Give a chance for the person to apologize you may say, but what if that said person refuse to admit the mistake and insist she have no part in the mistake? I already fail at point no 1 .

In the end, I guess it’s up to individual to be open and forgive.

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Lisa August 9, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Oh my Gosh I just don’t think I have the gift of forgiveness, I really can not wrap my head around it. When you have been hurt so deep I can not forget it. It just keeps running through my head. I know that I should forgive as I have been forgiveon. I need help to understand this!

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Jeanne August 20, 2011 at 3:30 am

What if the person who hurt you very bad, has no any intent to apologize and to explain why he did that? What if you give him several chances to explain and to apologize, but he says only that he is not ready to talk, and then just hurts you more with his actions? How to forgive if you don’t even know why someone hurt you so bad? How to forgive, if someone is not even sorry for hurting you? How to forget, if you just cannot forgive??

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Gezwyn August 24, 2011 at 1:51 pm

I have made many mistakes in my relationship, which has now come to an end. It took me a long time to realize how bad I was and to understand the amount of hurt I have caused to the mother of my precious daughter. I’m not naturally a bad person but had a tendency to balls things up on a monthly/2 monthly basis. In the end it was too much for her. 6months went by, then after lengthy talks we decided to give it another go. We are now 2months after that point and now she has decided that she doesn’t want to be with me, believing that I have not changed and worries that it will not be long before I do something else to upset her, when I know and everyone who knows me know that I have changed for the better (Its taken a long time and lots of reflecting) I have aplogised time after time though it is not enough. I wish she would forgive and forget so that we both can start looking to the future before it’s too late for us to mend our relationship.
Forgive and forget, but always remember. Learn from your mistakes but live without regrets.
Great post by the way!!!

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